On the Beat

Oh, lovely Rita, meter maid,
was tired of writing parking fines.
She wanted something better paid
like waiting under billboard signs
to watch for folks who break the rules
and take them to the local jail.
But first there were two training schools
and reams of printed forms to mail.
Matriculated with success,
she took her books and billy club
and learned to make suspects confess
by dripping water in a tub.
The constant dripping drove them mad.
They dreamt of being on the lam
as Rita noted on her pad,
“drip DRIP, therefore, iamb.”

Professor Scansion had advice
for meeting weekly quotas:
“Don’t waste your time just rolling dice
and sending out for sodas.
Look for sonnets; they’re always square
and vice will ever tempt the poet.
You’ll always find infractions there.
How do I know? Screw you, I just know it!”